It is 3 am and I am still awake. My husband’s job is not your average 9-5 job. His schedule changes. It rotates. When he starts the graveyard shift I don’t sleep. He has been on midnight shift for a week now. I have attempted to sleep all week and tonight was the worst fail. The nudging to blog again hits in the midst of my insomnia. I try to ignore it by watching back to back episodes of Undercover Boss Season 1 on Amazon. I ended up crying after every episode so I turned it off.
I don’t feel like pinning on Pinterest.
The idea to blog pesters me continually and keeps me awake and I finally give in.
Since this is my second attempt to start this blog I decide to change its name. I like change. Changing the name is like rearranging furniture when its time to deep clean the house. The old name was too long anyway. I like the new name.
I knew the desire to blog would resurface after I began to read (second attempt) John Piper’s Desiring God. My first attempt to read the book was in the beginning of 2013. I put it down after my Etsy shop started pulling in crazy amounts of orders. I started sewing like a mad woman. Thinking that my sewing would still my mind and calm my grumbling spirit, I convinced myself that the monotonous act of sewing clothes for people was a good thing for my sanity, my soul, and it might just increase my joy.
I was wrong.
All it did was make me tired, stress me out and cause a serious case of depression. Sewing garment after garment is isolating. Living in the middle of no where is isolating enough but keeping myself in front of the sewing machine for hours on end only exasperated the isolation. Something had to give.
My husband had to use up some vacation days so we recently took a long road trip to the state of Washington. I had to close up my shop for a bit and even though I stressed over my outstanding orders I was relieved. I normally bring a plethora of books with me for every road trip and Desiring God was part of my traveling collection. I had it on the dashboard all the way up to Washington and even took it out at every hotel room to try to read a little before bed. None of that happened. After our fun in Washington ended we headed home back to our small middle of no where town. I placed Piper’s book back on the dashboard again. There was an interesting war going on between my mind and my flesh. My mind was telling me I needed to read and my flesh was telling me “whats the point”. My mind finally won and I picked up the book about 5 hours out from our home and surprisingly read voraciously until we got home.
I would read and think. read and think. read and think. the mental stimulation that the act of reading this book invoked in my mind was like welcoming an old trusted loyal friend back into your life after a long separation. I knew once my mind started “thinking”…the desire to write about what i read would soon follow. my mind felt liberated.
Where i once felt driven to sew, i no longer do. I enjoyed the sewing while it lasted. I know God used my sewing to still my mind a bit because both He and I know that my “thinking” too deeply about theological issues, church, worship, etc, can make me feel at times like my head will explode….especially if I have no one to discuss these issues with.
Yay for blogs. I can discuss. No head exploding. and now that i got all that out, i am tired so now i will sleep.